I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
