If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
