I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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