You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
