Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
