so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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