I cannot find my penis.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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