We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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