mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
