meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
