Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
