There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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