fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
