All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
