you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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