apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
