he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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