mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
