Already got asked if we're dating
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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