i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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