I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Randomize
