You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
