i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize