I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
