Pregnant stripper...not hot.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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