I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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