were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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