I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
