we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
