Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
