It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
