She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
