I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
