The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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