he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
it's great music for shaving your balls
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
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he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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