Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
