Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I want her autograph on my taint
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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