I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
