I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
