I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you had me at cake vodka
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
