I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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