i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
