I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
