Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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