I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
