I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
