I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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