meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
