hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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