So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
