hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
