It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
