i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
