Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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