You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
