I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
