She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize