I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
