apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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