I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
