That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
