That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
