When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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