You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
