i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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