I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
