i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
