You made me cry and you don't even care
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
