I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
