I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
