Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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