Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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