Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it glows. i had to have it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
