I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
