theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
