he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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