in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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