We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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